Are You an Unhappy Bully?

Everyone has bully tendencies when they feel threatened or have unmet needs that are difficult to resolve. The five-factor personality traits model contains five categories of personality traits: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. The five-factor personality traits may give rise to great leaders and compassionate community helpers when balanced with other social checks and norms.

 However, there are extremes in personality expression within the five-factor model that may give rise to anti-social personality disorders that often describe and explain bully-type behaviors. Some bullies remain in this personality phase across their lifespan. However, an unhappy bully is a person who does feel regret, remorse, and is morally engaged. In contrast, a sociopath or psychopath shows a disregard for others and a failure to feel remorse and guilt. The good news is that if you are a bully and feel remorse or guilt over your interactions with others or desire to change to a more balanced combination of the five-factor personality traits, you are probably a bully who can change. Sometimes change is easy with reflection and positive mentors, but bullies may also need to seek professionals in the mental health field to help manage their feelings and unmet needs.

`Dr. Debra Stewart

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Finding the Good in the Workplace Bully

The Peaceful Protester's Dilemma

There are similarities and differences between peaceful protesters and angry mobs or rioters. A peaceful protester and an angry, riotous mob are similar in that they symbolize a system that fails to address and hear unaddressed needs. However, the two groups differ in that riotous mobs act with the intent to harm, while peaceful protesters march without harming others to be heard. When the two groups merge, a new system problem emerges, forming a triad of bullies, victims, and bystanders. In this group, bullies lead the aggressive acts, victims feel punished, and bystanders are held responsible for the bullies' coercive power. Unfortunately, neither group is fully heard, and unmet needs persist. While rioting and protesting sometimes produce partial results, the question becomes, is it the most efficient use of talent to achieve change that results in being heard and unmet needs being addressed? -Dr. Stewart                

                                                     

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The Bullying Hybrid

Debra Stewart PsyD

The Bullying Hybrid during stressful events results in more predatory, manipulative, and cunning behavior than ever before. Resources are scarce; rewards are few; audiences become scarce, and victims are too diminished in their will to fight back. The bully's unmet needs increase, and relational bullying rises, as does the formation of frenemy teams. In times of socioeconomic and sociopolitical stress, the bully preys on already stressed targets for money, food, and other necessities of life and will find other bully-types to validate their behavior. 

Bystanders are essential in these situations and may include neighbors, clergy, coworkers, friends, or family members. There are always bystanders in bullying events or the aftermath of the victimization, and now, more than ever, bystanders are needed for surveillance to report the unmet needs in the community. -Dr. Stewart

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Social Distancing and the Bully

Social distancing is a unique situation that might reduce bully-type behaviors from individuals who may prey on the marginalized. Without an audience or the rewards found in social groups, the bully may seek other ways to satisfy their unhealthy unmet needs and drives. However, there are bully personalities who thrive on microaggression and covert methods to maintain an imbalance of power when separated from their target. When individuals are advised to practice social distancing, the bystander becomes essential as they can be the protective shield from bully-type behaviors by using the approved distance communication methods to stay in touch with those who are quarantined or practicing social distancing. The bystander might be a neighbor, family member, coworker, or other agency helpers who can listen, advise, and report the abuse of the marginalized in isolation.

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Hoarding and Bullying during the COVID-19 Pandemic

The hoarding behaviors that are occurring over the fear of the COVID-19 pandemic may not be a form of bullying. If a person already has bully-type responses, then hoarding behaviors may be an extension of their personality and embedded personality disorders. However, hoarding during times of extreme stress and fear is a normal human response because humans have individual comfort and survival needs. If these needs remain unmet for some time, the flight or fight response is activated and induces panic and unhealthy responses. Hoarding is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and hoarding as a fear response to the COVID-19 crisis falls into this category because of the anxiety associated with a critical event, and the mental distress of the unknown and the future course of the pandemic. Hoarding is a form of self-medication because it is the individual's way of coping with the stress of the pandemic. 

Because there are adverse outcomes concerning hoarding in this situation, such as guilt, untreated anxiety disorder, increased fears, the increasing concern of unmet needs, and the lack that it may create for others, treatment is essential. It is necessary to realize and identify the psychological reasons behind unhealthy drives and motives so that rational decision-making and healthier responses to the COVID-19 pandemic may result.  Humans need to gather the necessary supplies in a sensible way to survive any crisis; however, it is also critical to foster humankind's survival and the greater good.

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Finding a Hero Within the Bully Triad

Within the unhealthy educational or workplace culture, there are abundant opportunities for positive change; however, it will not happen without an educational intervention. The bully, the victim, and the bystander have one of the most unhealthy social connections known to man. This bully triad will repeat the unhealthy alliance until an interruption in the cycle allows triad members to step out of the dynamic and become heroes. Dr. Zimbardo, known for his work on the psychology of evil, has recently turned his research focus to how people can turn daily challenges into opportunities for everyday heroism. For some, the heroism will be those who teach about the difference between good and evil; for others, it will be the policy change agents, some will be the protectors of values, and others will stand with the marginalized. 

Dr. Stewart